Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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