uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
