he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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