Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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