Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
