You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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