I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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