sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Randomize
