just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
