I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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