margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
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she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
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Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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