but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
