I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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