I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
