maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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