have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
