Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
