I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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