well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
