I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
