census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
