I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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