Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
