ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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