Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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