I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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