my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Randomize