She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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