so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
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this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
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It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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