I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
