I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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