Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Just high enough for therapy.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
