Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
