i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
