now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Send help, water and tortillas.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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