News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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