i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
