i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize