my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
