Say something about gay babies.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
