Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
