The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
