Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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