from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
