Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
