K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
