apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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