She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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