Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
