I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
