just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
