How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Randomize
