so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
