The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
