I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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