She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
