I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
