the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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