well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
