Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
