Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
