Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes