How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
