Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Is Oprah even human
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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