Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Randomize
