is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
