I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
