so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
A bitchslap is in order.
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