I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
