you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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