pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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