I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Randomize
