guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
